Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
