I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
