I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
