I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
