wrigley field is MILF paradise
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Randomize
