I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
