How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
my poor anus
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
