No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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