You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
