no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
