It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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