I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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