maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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