if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Randomize
