You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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