Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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