I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
