It's like God shit irony all over that family
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
