watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
