This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
