the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
