Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
