HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
