Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
