I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
