this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
