I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
my sisters under your porch take her home
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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