I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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