Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
