I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
