there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
