His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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