Plan B is the new Plan A
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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