he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
