guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize