Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Randomize
