I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize