I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
