So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
