Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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