i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
