a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Randomize
