It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
