Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
