His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
My vagina is very pro this idea
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
