her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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