just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
