I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize