guys are only as good as the porn they watch
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I just want to make out with him forever
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
