just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
