i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
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