Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
