Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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