we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
