And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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