Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
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