just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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