Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
