be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
