There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
