i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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