we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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