Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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