No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
