We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
