I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
