i just identified you from a description of your pipe
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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