so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
