im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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