dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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