sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
