I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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