i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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