i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
