Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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