I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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