Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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