1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
