ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
