Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Everything about him screamed your future.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize