Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
