i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You are a genius and a whore.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
