My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
