So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
