There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
