On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
