i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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