I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
