just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
